why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
