chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
