he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can I color on your dick again?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
