Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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