Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.