yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary