I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...