I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.