I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
