My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
