Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
