I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He shit in the fireplace
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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