she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
