Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
