24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
