p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
