so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize