wat bout pragnant strippers??
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
