In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
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I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
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Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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