He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
