Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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