WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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