At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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