dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This house was built for laser tag.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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