i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
