she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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