woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
