1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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