What did we do last night that was yellow?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
