well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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