oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
