I heard we made out
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
