its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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