I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it hurts more in the daytime
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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