he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
