just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
