I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
