Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
