I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
