my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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