I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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