I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
