mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
