My first STD was from a foam party
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
