There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
