as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
