pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
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Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
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For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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