I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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