I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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