bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
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Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
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I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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