Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
