dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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