Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
