Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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