You don't have asthma, your pregnant
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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