There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
