Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
