First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Randomize
