I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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