It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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