So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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