The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
