I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Princesses don't give blow jobs
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
