we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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