but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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