Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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