dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
