Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
