He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
