I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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