I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Holy shit dude........stairs
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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