Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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