Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
