I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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