Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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