The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
