If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
