Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
