I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
