i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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