So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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