Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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