no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
